The newest Harry Potter book, set to be released on Saturday, July 16th, will be the 6th installment of an immensely popular series by British novelist JK Rowling. Now a mature and/or culturally unconscious individual might tell you that Harry Potter, and the associated cult, are harmless indulgences of children's fantasy. Fortunately, I'm neither mature or culturally unconscious. There is a very real problem here.
So this morning I'm watching one of those sorry-ass early shows on channel 5 or 7 filled with useless information. There's a group of kids, the youngest of whom is about 6-7 and the oldest is at least a shocking 18, on screen (live) who had entered and won an essay-writing contest, an essay about how the Harry Potter novels have changed their lives. So one nervous looking kid gets up and forgets where he's from; he starts to say "New York", but then realizes that he's from Washington State. Then this black girl gets up and in the most irritatingly poetic tone exclaims that the Harry Potter novels contain a certain magic not only centered within the witches and wizards of Hogwart's Magic School, but also the magic that is born in the hearts of Muggles, referencing herself and her fellow fans. (So I'm choking on my cereal at this point and I'm forced to flip the channel)
HPANA, the Harry Potter Automatic News Aggregator. (News Aggregator?!) This is a real website, and represents one of several disturbingly obsessed zealot communities that have been posting every shrapnel of info associated with "HP" for a few days now and will do so until the release of Rowling's novel, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. This particular website, if one is able to scroll down, requests that the visitor select one of four housing categories: Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw and submit some other information in order to join the other 43,581 "students" at HPANA. You are then required to send an "owl" to your e-mail address for verification purposes. Once enrolled (I'm going along with this image of an educational institution), students will enjoy privileges like being able to:
I won't say any more, but on to more pressing matters of the issue. Recently, the Sun newspaper of the United Kingdom reported that, in London, two men were charged on Saturday after allegedly trying to sell a STOLEN copy of the book to a tabloid newsletter for 50,000 pounds, the equivalent of $90,880.
"A 19-year-old man has been charged with the theft of the book and a possession of an imitation firearm intending to cause fear of violence."
That's a real quote, I'm not lying. Anyway, the illegally acquired copy is currently safe in the custody of London police, and the two perpetrators are scheduled to appear before magistrates early next week (if not stoned to death by Harry Potter fanatics beforehand).
Also, recently, Raincoast Books of British Columbia mistakenly sold several copies that had been in store. The "Honourable Madam Justice Gill" (pfft), on behalf of the British Columbia Justice System, ordered an injunction restraining the individuals "from copying or disclosing all or any part of Harry Potter #6 or any information derived therefrom including without limitation the story, plot or characters of Harry Potter #6 to any person prior to 12:01 a.m. local time on July 16, 2005."
As if this all wasn't enough heartbreaking an issue, I soon learned that Pope Benedict(ator) had seized a piece of the ass for himself, accusing the books to be full of "subtle seductions that are barely noticeable and precisely because of that deeply affect (children) and corrupt the Christian faith in souls even before it (the Faith) could properly grow..." I think the real issue with the Pope is this celebacy thing. He's been dry for so many years that everything's gotta seem like seduction.
I think many of us have failed miserably in acknowledging that the Harry Potter series consists of books. It would all indeed be utterly harmless if idiots such as those aforementioned didn't address it as though it was the end of the fucking world. If responsible adults were to treat them rationally, kids would follow in nature and treat them as books as well. Of course this can't happen. I just thought it would be interesting to present a half-second scenario in which everybody acted in a manner such that would, in the long run, spare society from a few more aspirants for the insane asylum.
1 Comments:
I'm a bit disapointed that you did not throw a little Christian Fundamentalism into the mix..
By
Sandesfjord, at 8:04 PM, August 24, 2005
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